Ah, Christmas—the season of joy, laughter, and, let’s be honest, the occasional passive-aggressive comment over the turkey. If your marriage has been carrying some long-held issues, it might seem tempting to tackle them before the festive season kicks off. After all, wouldn’t it be nice to wrap up your problems in a neat bow, just like your presents?
Not so fast.
Trying to resolve deep-rooted issues before Christmas is a bit like deciding to renovate the kitchen two weeks out from hosting Christmas lunch. Ambitious? Sure. Likely to end in chaos and tears?
Also, yes.
The reality is, the lead-up to Christmas is already stressful enough. There’s the shopping, the family politics, and the annual debate over whether pavlova or trifle is the superior dessert. Adding the emotional weight of unpacking complex marital issues to this mix is like throwing petrol on a barbecue.
Instead, here’s a better approach: hit pause. Acknowledge that there’s an issue. Say out loud (without the dramatic sigh) that you’re both hurting. Admit that you’ve each played a part in getting to this point. Then—and this is key—commit to addressing it together after the madness of Christmas has passed.
This isn’t avoidance; it’s strategy. By agreeing to press pause, you give yourselves breathing room to make it through the holidays without escalating tensions. When you’re not weighed down by unresolved conflict, you can actually enjoy the holidays — or at least survive them as a united front.
During the holidays, focus on small acts of connection. Show kindness, even when you’re frustrated. Be a team, whether that’s tag-teaming through the Christmas shopping or agreeing not to argue over who forgot to bring the bonbons.
So, pour some eggnog, and survive the Christmas chaos. Come January, you can revisit the issues with fresh eyes and clearer minds. For now, let the gift of breathing space be the one thing you both give and receive this Christmas.
Head to the Store and get your copy of my guide, Surviving Christmas When Your Marriage is a Mess.
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